Craziness!!!

Ok, so all those things about med school taking up ALL your time and leaving you with NO life...kinda true. Not entirely...but mostly. It really is like drinking from a fire hose. Or having mud slung at you. Can't decide which analogy I like more, but both are pretty appropriate! It's going really good so far though. My classmates are easy going and very helpful/friendly. (Enough to even help me move my couch and hang heavy stuff!!) I'm still trying to establish a study groove, but I'm sure it'll come. I've discovered I CANNOT study in bed. It either ends up with me on facebook or me asleep. Bed is just a comfort zone for me, so buckling down to study things I don't want to is difficult, therefore I resort to comforting things, such as procrastination by amusement or sleep. I have been careful though to make sure I eat, sleep, and generally take care of my well being. Having already had a very painful breakdown in undergrad, I really don't need a repeat for at least a good 20 years or so. If ever. (I'm going for the never option! :D)

I did get to see my first standardized patient this week! It was really exciting!!! They made me wear my white coat and everything lol. (What like it's hard? ;P) Essentially a standardized patient (SP) = a trained actor. Ideally they present symptoms of a disease and you diagnose, but since we're first years, we're just working on rudimentary skills like taking vitals and we'll eventually work our way up to physicals and histories (woohoo!) I almost felt like a doctor. Almost.

Basically my life lately has been a lot of studying (and procrastinating), a lot of trips to target to get things to study/live, school, sleeping, and eating. Not too exciting. I did host a dinner party tonight to feed the boys that helped me move my couch and hang the heavy things on my walls. (Me + power tools and/or heavy objects = no good! lol...) It's weird that I've actually cooked more in med school than I ever did in undergrad. Not sure why...it's just how things have played out. I dont' know whether this newfound trend will continue. To be deteremined at a later point after further analysis.

Sooooooo...classwise. The first semester is comprised of Biochemistry, Developmental Anatomy, Gross Anatomy, Histology, and ICM (Intro to Clinical Medicine...where they make us dress up and play doctor). So far I'm liking the professors, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOO THANKFUL for all the classes I took in undergrad!!!!!!!! I want to give those professors a BIG GINORMOUS HUG! Not to mention the wonderful Dr. H, my amazing mentor for teaching me stupid little things like suturing and Dr. E for making me listen to every patient's heart! It's little things like that that make me feel slightly successful and even ahead of the game at time.

Then I remember I'm fooling myself. I'm massively behind - but so is everyone else! So it's ok! :D Devo is cool, but wicked detailed. I basically have to know everything that happens from the formation of eggs/sperm to the birth of the baby. Biochem is likewise detailed, but at least I've had 2 semesters of it as background. Histo is a lot like the undergrad histo, because, let's face it, tissues only get so complicated. Gross is a monster. I'm glad I took anatomy, it's helping immensely, but like everything else, med school raises the bar x a million. I'm glad it's pushing me though. Undergrad never felt like it was straining me intellectually, but I'm very thankful for that fact since I was dealing with other issues at the time that demanded all my energy/attention/sanity.

Katie also drove over to Houston to see me this weekend. Really just Saturday night and Sunday morning. She couldn't leave Gwen all that long, but it was great to see her, even if it consisted of me studying and her watching movies lol. I'm even liking my ward at church here. They seem laid back and friendly....a very much needed quality for me! I might even venture to FHE and institute! I've had one too many bad experiences with judgemental mormons and if I had to deal with much more, I probably would've stopped going to church altogether....Again. However, I won't deny that I can't do this med school thing alone. Especially if I want derm. I need a little divine attention/love/assistence to do this and come out in one, sane piece.

I think it's early in the game to say "omg I'm so happy to be here/I was meant to be here..." but I don't hate it either. I'm still kind of sitting around going, "Ok, I'm here...like you wanted...what now???" But I'm too busy with school to be wrapped up in old problems and bogged down with depression. I would even venture to say I'm enjoying myself! I have no idea why I'm here exactly or what's being expected of me, and it's all very confusing when I try to look at the big picture, but I'm hoping I'll figure that out as I go along. I do take moments out of the day to really say to myself "Wow, you're gonna be a doctor!" but it's still pretty surreal. I think it'll come as I learn to do more clinical things and get more exposure shadowing docs as a med student and volunteering in the free clinics (which I'm doing in 2 weeks with my wonderful roomie Sandra....it's gonna be awesome!!!)

Anyway, it's super late and I have another early morning (though it starts at 9am instead of 8am tomorrow...yeah baby!) Needless to say, I should sleep some. Stay tuned for close encounters of the gross, med school kind!

I'm alive! Kinda...

So I'm officially in Houston! It's been absolutely insane so far trying to get everything together. I couch surfed for about 4 days last week during orientation before I could actually move into my place, but as soon as I moved in, we went on med school retreat, then class started, so things are still EVERYWHERE!!!

I don't really know where to start...orientation I guess. It was pretty typical, except for the med school part. I failed computer orientation because my laptop hadn't come in yet, but it's here now, and I LOVE IT! It's the HP Elitebook tablet pc, so it has a touch screen and I can upload anythin into One Note and color/draw all over it! It's like Med School Kindergarten! We also had a White Coat Ceremony which was really awesome, but weird at the same time - we took the ethical pledge for the school and the hippocratic oath. I'm definitely not sure if I'm old enough for this!

My totally awesome parents also were nice enough to drive my stuff over on Wednesday so they could come to my ceremony (along with my grandpa that lives in Houston). I think they were more excited about it then I was! I'm still having mixed feelings about this whole thing, but it's going to work out somehow. Yeah there's a huge hole in my life, but it'll get filled and in the meantime I get to work on my MD and be a super-awesome doctor someday. As nice as it would be to drop out and pretend I have better things to do with my life, I don't think it would make me happy either.

Friday and Saturday were med school retreat - they basically took 230 aspiring doctors to the middle of nowhere east Texas and let us run wild and free with unlimited alcohol. Not really, but that's actually not too far off the mark. We had get togethers and "chats" about what to expect/how to study/yada yada yada, but there was a huuuuuge party Friday night that everyone had to wear a costume for and there definitely was unlimited alcohol. I don't think I've ever seen professors play beer pong with students before! :P So I went as Jessica Rabbit and my roommate, Sandra went as a girl from Glee (pardon me for forgetting the character's name...I'm so bad.) But at least I have pics for you! I have to admit...I was in the dress and heels for like 5 minutes before I realized they had a mechanical bull and promptly changed into my boots and jeans to show up the boys!! ;) Who says a cowgirl can't be a doctor??

So today was the first day of class, and I must say, I was bored out of my mind! Granted, I have a degree in biology, and I've taken a TON of courses that have been leading up to this point (including a graduate level biochem course, histology, cell biology, and anatomy...which are all on the menu this semester), but I think they were going easy on us today. I also couldn't log into any of my accounts with the school because of some registrar problem, so I got off easy on the following along part which was most of class today. I'm sure it's gonna kick up and make what I did in undergrad look like playtime though. People keep commenting on how it's so overwhelming, but I disagree - to be overwhelmed, you at least have to have an idea or grasp on what's going on around you to be able to not process it. We're like deer in the headlights with no freaking clue about anything yet! It'll get better.

I was also really lucky to get a very nice tank group to do gross anatomy with. I was really nervous that I'd be stuck with the egotists or other conflicting personalities, but everyone seems chill and eager to learn. We just did observation today and we actually tag team the dissection, so I don't get to do any of that until Friday. I need to mentally prepare myself anyway lol.

I did get my bathroom put together tonight...this is progress. Especially considering I spent most of the day after class trying to convince the medical school that I did actually exist and should be in their system. It was marginally successful. I still have to conquer financial aid tomorrow. But I am impressed with the amount of errands I got done! Yay productivity! I think I'm gonna end up bein too darn busy to have the energy to think about quittin!

Oh, and a special thank you to anyone who's sent little notes of encouragement or love - I really can't say how much it means to me. This is a very frightening / somewhat exciting time of life and I definitely cannot do it alone! Please keep me in your prayers and drop me a line when you remember :)