I did however, manage to hook up with some old friends and it was really wonderful to see them. I didn't exactly make concrete plans because I was really planning on not going. This trip, originally for me, was to meet Mr. Firefighter. Needless to say, we haven't spoken since...well yeah, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him I was in Utah and just get hurt even more. However, I did enjoy seeing the old friends. I don't even remember the last time I saw Bailey. I'm sure we were probably dressed up as Cinderella or playing old school Donkey Kong on her super nes. (Below is my first attempt at a picture for your entertainment - success!! And go easy on me...it was taken at like 2 in the morning...)
Definitely remembered why we are friends. We got to catch up about the recent events in our life and our views on things like dating, church, school, and such. Glad some girls in this world know how to keep it real. (Especially mormon ones in Utah lol...) I really don't get what's attractive about immature, materialistic girls with the social and emotional skills of a high schooler. They seem to be rampant in Utah, and they have NO idea that they're that way. But maybe that's just me. Wish I could be brainless sometimes...would be a lot easier. And a lot less painful. Alas, I continue to be favored below such girls by most guys. Figures. Curse intelligence! Damn you brain! Juuuuuuuuuust kidding. Kinda.The funny thing would be that every single person I talked about Mr. Firefighter and his new fling pretty much said the same thing. "Wow, he's a freaking retard / damn fool / idiot / moron"...I think you get the gist. But what can a girl do? If I tell him that I think he's making a mistake, he'll take it as I'm being the jealous girl that's just trying to manipulate him, regardless if I'm just trying to point out that he's doing EVERYTHING he said he DIDN'T want to do...such as jumping into a relationship and not working on himself. Sometimes you just wanna smack someone around. So what do I do? I tell the world wide web. Enjoy ya'll.
Another long lost friend would be Katie, my Texan-horse-loving cohort that I went to middle and high school with. She has a little girl now, who is absolutely adorable, but makes me feel old. I'm so mad I forgot to take pictures with her!! But it was good to see her happy, since things have not always been so with her. It was strange to see her married and have step-kids, and I know things are still difficult for her, but knowing she's happy helps. I meant to strangle her bishop while I was there...kinda sad I didn't get the opportunity. He's pretty much one of the most insensitive self-righteous bastards I've ever heard about. And he's the reason one of my best friends isn't going to church. Katie and I also discussed the ramifications of pissing off a girl from Texas. We have guns and tempers. And plenty of desolate land in west Texas. I'm sure your imagination can do the rest.
One of the highlights was the 4-wheeling though. It was so much fun!! The following is at the top of Hobble Creek Canyon...a very pretty view (minus the smog), and a very fun ride! I could atv all day long and then camp at night!! Maybe next time :P
I definitely caught air multiple times, almost flipped the atv, popped some wheelies, and probably scared the crap out of my mother and my sister's father in law who owned the atvs. But hey, if I die, I don't have to go to med school! That, and, I'm of the personal opinion, that when the Lord wants to take you He's gonna take you regardless, so you might as well have some fun. Which is why I never understood when my parents got super paranoid about a seemingly normal activity (such as jet skiing) that they deemed dangerous and therefore forbade me to do when I was a teenager. But their issues are a whole other topic altogether. I do love the mountains up here...and the weather. It's actually bearable during the day, so you can do outdoor activities, and the mountains are a great escape. I'd love to go camping in them someday. (Ok, so maybe I don't hate Utah as much as I let on...Texas is just inherently superior.) Maybe I'll find someplace with green, pretty mountains and no weird mormon culture. Colorado? I guess I have to see where med school/residency takes me first. :/ Unless I don't go! It's getting more and more tempting as the first day gets closer... -->Thinks happy thoughts not involving indentured servitude for the next 8 years<--I did have some amazing spiritual experiences up there that were completely unexpected. I came here to get away, not to re-examine my life, but hey, I try to go with the flow. When hanging out with my friend Spencer, I was introduced to his friend Greg. Greg and I ended up talking for hours that night...pretty much just about everything. He could just tell that I had a lot going on and needed someone to listen without judging me or trying to make me feel any particular way. I haven't had someone just listen in so long. We talked about our relationships (he's married now), and the good and the bad (mostly bad for me lol), and ended up on God. It was strange but for the first time in such a long time, I really felt that God loved me. Just genuine, pure love. It was truly amazing. I can't even describe it in words. Serenity and peace ain't got nothin on this...or maybe that kind of feeling is where those words originated. I truly felt that he knew what I was going through, and it hurt Him, but it's almost over and He's truly working on my behalf. I never had that kind of feeling before...and I really resented that fact when I was going through some terribly rough times in the past few years. I was truly thankful to be blessed with it now when I'm trying to figure out so many things in my life. Greg just said so many things that I needed to hear - and said them in the right way. I don't think he'll ever know the extent to which him just being kind enough to talk to me reached, but maybe someday I'll get to thank him for salvaging what was left of my mangled faith and broken heart. I think one of my favorite things he said was, "You need a lot of love and support...but the thing is, you're worth it. And you deserve it." He actually made me feel like I have a place in God's heart, that I really am His daughter, and He's very concerned about me, and is willing to help me through this and even grant me miracles. Then in church the next day, everything was about miracles, and how they haven't stopped even today. I know what miracle I want, but that's between me and God. It would truly be amazing, and I would do anything for it. He also talked about praying for your future spouse. He prayed for a year just for his wife's well being before he even met her. It was so nice to see two people that were two halves of a whole. His wife was out of town, but I wish I could've met her. I could tell how much she meant to him and how much he truly loved her just by the way he talked about her. I want someone to feel that way about me. To miss me when I'm gone. To be happy when I come home. To really love and cherish me. I know I'll feel that way about him. I would never let a day go by without letting him know how much he is loved. I have a really giving heart. I can't help it. It sure does make transient dating suck though.
Cowboy, wherever you are, I'm praying for you. I miss you, and want you beside me. I hope you're happy and well. I'm looking for you, but I think you have to come to me. I would do anything to make you smile. To make you happy. I love you so much, it's hard to live without you. Please don't keep me waiting.
"I've seen what you can do. I've seen you make miracles and broken dreams come true. You made the heavens and the stars, so c'mon how hard could it be...to make [him] love me?"
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